there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
