If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
