Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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