Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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