why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
