I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
