Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
