so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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