You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
