Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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