Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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