I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
