mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
