break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
