you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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