it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
