Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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