Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
