I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
