I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
