Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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