help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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