I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You can't motorboat a personality
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
