So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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