Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
