How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
