Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
