Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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