he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
