I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
