Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
