Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
