either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
