You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize