so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
