Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
