'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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