No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
