I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
