just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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