oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
