im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
