i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
