You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
