I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize