Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my liver is dry heaving
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
