Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
