Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
