I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
