just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
