Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
whose parrot is this?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
