watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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