I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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