Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
