he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
