I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
