So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
