Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
