Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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