; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
