dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
