Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
