how can u be prego again
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
