she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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