SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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