I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
