Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
