he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
