The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
