Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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