I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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