He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
