ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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