with your own penis?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize