You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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