you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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