I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
