If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize