Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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