When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
