dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
