DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
