Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
