Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
