i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
