i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
