so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize