Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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