I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
