He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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