You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
