did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
