So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
