the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
