Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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