I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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