So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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