just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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