I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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