bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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