4 words: hood of his car
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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