do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
