he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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